Friday, February 17, 2006

Cold feet......

UGH....hubby is getting cold feet. He's been slowly freaking out in the evenings about the fact that he doesn't have a job waiting for him, yadda yadda yadda. Then today, he called midday to chat and was at it again......

"It doesn't look promising...I've been working my ass off to get where I am in my job and now I'm going to be starting from scratch again....that's if I even have a job...and the money thing is stressing me out......................." and so on, and so on, and so on. Then he says, "I don't know, California is looking much more appealing these days."

"HUH?" ummm, excuse me, but we are not going to California. Whatever happened to the power of positive thinking? The power of 'intention', the following our dreams, the NEED to be in Israel? What happened to knowing that this is what we want to do and knowing that it just feels right?

How am I supposed to respond when he gets like this? (besides putting him in time out--that works for my sons, but I don't think hubby would be too responsive)

NEway.....I'm so annoyed. I reminded him that he is following his 'usual' pattern of emotions that occur after a trip to Israel. It goes like this......
We go to Israel for whatever length of time.....days before we are scheduled to leave, he starts to talk about staying longer (wouldn't it be nice, yadda yadda yadda)....we return anyway. The next few weeks we are positive, enthusiastic, attempting to bring Israel into our daily lives in Florida....that fades. The semi-depression, longing begins.....he doesn't know why we came back, it's ridiculous here, misses being there, etc. THEN.....about 6-8 months later, this too fades, and he gets comfortable again. He begins to get into his job, starts to feel important for what he is accomplishing, and the weather in Florida is bearable, if not semi-enjoyable.

This is where we are now.

I point it out to him, reminded him of our plans, our desires, our dreams. I'm determined. I KNOW it's not going to be easy, I KNOW we've got a long road ahead of us, but I do NOT want to go back on it now. I need to feel like I'm at least trying to make it work.

ugh. MEN.......

***Update: we just returned from a camping trip this weekend. Hubby feels much better after "clearing his head," and is back into focusing on the goal again. It's a great feeling to be back on the same page!***