Traumatic Experience....

First off, I apologize to whoever is out there reading this, because I just realized it has been since the beginning of Sept. since I've written. Alot has happened. School has started in full force, the baby has gotten used to going to her caregiver (and loves her, and now drinks her bottles and eats her food, and takes her nap and is crawling and standing up in her crib and starting to wave hi and clap her hands...........and and and and and..........she's awesome.) My mom has since been for a month long visit and has returned back to her home in the US, the 'chagim' have come and gone, and today..............I put myself through a very TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE...............

i got my hair cut.

It's been a very long time and my hair was down my back, but you'd never know it cuz 90 % of the time it was up and out of the way tied up in a scrunchie. But today I had an hour free and for ages I've had this burning desire to do something different, so today I went in and asked for a change.

i got it. BIG CHANGE...........

My naturally curly hair went from being all one length to being graduated in the back, short, bobby-ish, and longer in the front to 'make it interesting'.

I like it, I think. we'll see tomorrow.........

SO WHY THE TALK OF TRAUMA????

Well, let's just say it's not fun sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, full on like that..........it made me face even more so the fact that I have at LEAST 50 lbs. to lose........baby weight and before. My heart lept, skipped a beat, and not in a good way. Was that really me? It was very very strange........ I'm thinking it's a good thing that today was already the first day in eating carefully and watching my intake, but it still freaked me out and saddened me a little. I've come to the realization that I think I'm alot bigger than I think I am.......

so now I make lemonade from my lemons........and I'm off to turn it all around. Well, actually, I'm off to go pick up a crying baby who is just wakign from her nap, but you get the picture......

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay..........

So well, this is what I'm trying to practice----- saying............."YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, OKAY....."

I'm back at work Sun through Thurs, and Sivan goes to a little daycare in the home of a neighbor's mom. She has 2 other babies, little guys who are a year old, and one of them is her grandson, our neighbor's son. She has a helper so that she is not alone with them, at least I think she does. But that's not important.

You must know that I love this woman. She is warm, sweet, kind, caring, and like I said, the neighbor kids' grandma. She gives and gives, really. But she's kind of stressing me out a little and I'm learning that I need to just answer her with "Yeah, yeah, yeah, OKAY." and then everything will be just fine. Explantation:

Sivan is a breastfed baby. She's my everything, my baby, a part of me....she completes me as a mom and I treat her as such. If she is unhappy, I pick her up. Not necessarily immediately if I'm in the middle of something, but I do not believe in letting her cry it out. Believe me, she cries, but not for long. I nurse her on demand and usually don't notice how long or how often she does nurse, then sometimes when she finishes, we sit and chat or relax together either on the couch or in the bed. No rules, just right.

Well, this doesn't work so well for daycare. It's not been easy for her to be away from me, depending on this new woman for her everything..........for her cuddles and for her food. But she's doing ok. But the metapelet (the sitter) is very clear on the fact that she should get used to playing more on the floor and not being in my arms as much through out the day. Here we go......"yeah, yeah, yeah, OKAY." Sivan also isn't drinking from the bottle with her, so she has been feeding her the expressed breast milk with a spoon and keeps telling me that I need to be helping by practicing at home with the bottle--nursing one time, bottle the next, then nurse, then bottle........ "yeah, yeah, yeah, OKAY."

I know she loves my little girl and only wants the transition to be best for her, but she doesn't get it. When I picked her up today, she told me that she had eaten and had her milk and shouldn't need to nurse now. .....you guessed it.........."yeah, yeah, yeah, OKAY." When we got home, the first thing after turning on the a/c that we did was sit down on the couch together........and NURSE.........heartily, BOTH sides!!!

So yeah, I'm hearing the metapelet's words, I get where she's coming from, but it doesn't work for me and there's one thing I've learned with people in this country.....it's easier to agree with them to their face, but then do what works for you all the while repeating to them............

"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, OKAY!!!"

Tired...........so tired..........

ugh...........I'm sooo


****Found this post that I started to write on Aug. 20. What you see above is what I wrote after writing the title. I guess that says it all. Pretty amusing if you ask me! haha

Doing it ALL......and making sure it shows!

So no, the title, "DOING IT ALL AND MAKE SURE IT SHOWS" is not something I'm very good at. In fact, i struggle daily with the fact that hubby feels like the house is always a mess, he's exhausted from putting in LONG days at work (it's 7pm now and he hasn't left the office), and due to his exhaustion and being over-worked and over-stressed, he makes me feel like he feels that I don't do squat, or at least not as much as he does in his day. I think it's an age-old problem, each spouse thinking they're doing more and resenting the other one for whatever it may be that they aren't able to do in the day.....if resent is truly the word, I'm not fully sure.

But how does one do it ALL??? About 2 months ago, we canceled our house cleaners who were coming once every 2 weeks. It was just getting too expensive. Instead, I ATTEMPT to clean different parts of the house each day, and for the most part, I do do something every day. For example, today I did TONS of laundry, and I vacuumed the living room carpet. I also cleaned the kitchen a bit, took the kids to camp, picked them up, and in between went to the pharmacy, the post office, and to the mall to return an outfit. Oh, and dinner is ready and waiting on the stove even though hubby hasn't left the office which is an hour away.

Last weekend, when the baby was having an especially fussy week which continued into the weekend (which was good cuz hubby was able to see her in rare form), hubby got fed up and "cleaned the house". Mind you, he gathered some piles of stuff from the dining room table, vacuumed, swept the floors, and did sponga (mopped), but honestly, he didn't do much more. AND, he had the audacity a few nights later to mention that when HE cleaned the house, it hadn't been cleaned in 3 weeks! (he got a dirty look and a slight setting straight with a not nice word for that one............especially since it was in front of his sister!)

So this week he asked if I thought maybe we should get the cleaners back once a month. I explained that it wouldn't really be worth it. Plus I explained, it's not that the house isn't clean.....it's just that it is clean in a rotation........and therefore doesn't truly feel clean. Which in essence, it isn't 100% clean cuz in essence, the day I'm cleaning the toilets, the dusting might be due for the following day and therefore the only thing that will feel clean that day is the toilets.

Anyway...........I'm getting over it. I made a chart of what needs to be done for each WEEK. I'm thinking if I hang it on the fridge and literally check off and date what has been done, then he can see it and at least know that certain parts of the house are clean that day. And one day, when we win the lottery I'll have the cleaners start to come twice a week.........it might help though if we ever bought the lottery tickets.

Balagan in so many ways........

Luckily I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I wanted to share today a list of How my life has been a "Balagan" lately... (a mess, topsy turvy, filled with craziness)

let me count the ways............. (or at least let me bullet them, I like bullets better)

• My sister-in-law has been visiting in the country for about 3 1/2 weeks now with her 3 kids, staying most of the time at my in-laws 25-30 minutes away..........our kids had many sleepovers there, her kids here, we did some kid swapping some nights, and a couple of night all 4 of them stayed here to give the grandparents a break. OH, and for 2 nights, the grandparents, along with the uncle and his friend took all the kids on a 3 days tiyul........
• Which brings me to the uncle............not the sister's husband, but my hubby and his sister's brother, and his partner are here visiting from San Fransisco....staying with us, and being pretty good house guests. They took a 4 night trip to Turkey, and are now taking another 3 or 4 night trip down south, so it's been broken up, but still....more company.
• my middle guy had his SIXTH BIRTHDAY yesterday............still can't believe I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old. wow. We did the family thing and went to the beach for the afternoon/evening. I think the kids all had an amazing time.
• my boys are starting a 3 week session of a local camp for Olim today..............can you see me doing the happy dance in my living room??? I'm looking forward to not having to entertain them each morning/day. Hopefully they enjoy it.
• balagan, balagan..............oh yes, let's not forget I have a baby who is now FIVE MONTHS OLD!!! She is so amazing, so super sweet, and S.O. H.E.A.V.Y,,,,,,,,,and ugh, she's been teething. The drool drips down her chin, and she's constantly in search of the next victim whose finger she will not only put in her mouth, but SHE BITES!!! And did I mention the separation anxiety??? It's a fancy word for saying that she freaks out when other people except for me and hubby hold her. joy.
• And since we're talking about the baby, we might as well mention the inevitable that plagues me daily...............going back to work and leaving her. It is the single most difficult, stressful, heartwrenching thing on my mind these days. I have to leave her. I know she'll be fine and I trust the woman who will watch her, but I've never had to leave a baby before. Teachers go back Aug. 24, 25, 26........then for good on Sept 1.
  
• Which brings me to the bottle situation.............she is a breastfed baby. She nurses for her nourishment, but we started solids (or really just colorful liquids that used to be fruits and veggies) about a month ago. I wanted to be sure she would be ok with other stuff when not with me. She does fine, she has also gotten to the point where if she cannot nurse, she will drink from a bottle to satisfy her hunger. PROBLEM IS................I don't pump often enough. I need to get my butt in gear and just set up a time that EVERY DAY or EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED I pump as much as I can in a half hour. That's my goal for the week, to get in with that..........
• Speaking of goals for the week................the HOUSE IS A MESS!!!
  
• aargh.............
• balagan, balagan...............so yes, this is why I don't blog daily. I'm aiming for once a week so am doing ok. I've been sitting now for almost 15 min. and need to get up and clean for another 10 or 15, baby steps, baby steps................

oh, and as if this all wasn't enough for me to deal with, the city is telling us to BOIL OUR WATER for 10 minutes before drinking it today. Are you kidding me???

Hours........blessing or curse?

As the beginning of the new school year comes closer, the topic of HOURS is on my mind. Here in Israel teachers are hired according to a certain number of hours that are available for each one, and different teachers actually work different amounts of hours. Full time is actually different based on whether or not you have young children......for example, full time is 24 hours for a mom of young children (under 9 I think, or is it 12?), anyway, where normal fulltime is closer to 26 or 29 hours.

UNFORTUNATELY, I am only going to have 18 hours at my school this coming year.......the way it stands now. I taught 24 hours last year, and now due to changes in numbers in the school, I'm going to be teaching 6 hours LESS. ugh....... I'm happy because on one hand that means there's a possibility of being with Sivan MORE than I had anticipated, but on the other hand, that means LESS MONEY...........ugh, ugh, and triple ugh.

I think I need to get on the ball to figure out a way to make up those hours....and to also figure out what it really means in regards to the numbers. I've thought about trying to make it up via private lessons, but that's so unreliable. And then I wonder what working less hours for Misrad Hachinuch (Dept of Ed) means in regards to my benefits---health, etc. ugh.

why why why??? As if it wasn't bad enough that teachers in Florida got paid low, what we get here is RIDICULOUS! embarrassing to say the least that I take home in a month a paycheck that is similar, and doesn't always even measure up to the paycheck that I used to take home in the US 8 years ago every 2 weeks. .................

I'll keep ya posted................

Hi.......it's me again!!!

Hey there, so it's me again........

I've realized that for the most part I've been spending my days procrastinating......putting off the inevitable whatever that may be. I put off the laundry.......rather than starting a load first thing each morning, it takes me a few hours to finally get around to it. Then, once it's finished I put off taking it out and hanging it up, not to mention the fact that I'm usually putting off taking the DRY clothes off of the line and folding them.......then they sit in their piles until I get around to putting them all away..........

I play this game all day long........with dishes, laundry, dinner, going to the store, putting away the groceries, vacuuming, dusting, etc. etc. etc............

I guess it's okay though, cuz the one thing I don't put off (or at least I try not to), is my little gal. I can't get enough of her........I kiss her and hug her and squeeze her about a hundred times a day. I feel so complete, she is my world..........and yes, I'm going back to work in September, and yes I think about it every single day. I will need to leave her. I don't want to leave her, but I really must go back to work, I really like to work, and we need for me to work. But for now, I hug her and squeeze her and as the tear rolls down my face thinking about September, I'm glad that I'm putting this off for now..........even though September (really Aug 24 when teachers go back) is closer than I think. ugh.