Friday, March 31, 2006

I'M EXPECTING....... hee hee

I'm in a clear focus, but I did manage to get a nice shabbat dinner together, got the boys' beds made, and got the house swept and straightened a bit.

But back to my daze.............not sure if you remember about my friend "D" that I reconnected with....her hubby is Israeli too, 2 young kids, she's American, lived here all her life, and now they are going back/making aliyah. And when I say NOW<>......background: D had PACKERS come to pack them up yesterday, so on Monday, the house was still AS IS.

Anyway, that really threw me off; it was wierd to be sitting there, knowing they were going in a week but nothing had truly truly been done. Pictures still on the walls, artwork still on the fridge, bills still piled in the corner, and (I think) dishes in the sink. AARGH!!!

So that has been on my mind all made me happy that I am not using packers, and at the same time made me want to start packing NOW!!!

Fast forward a few days till Thurs............the day D's packers were arriving. I called around 11 am to check in on her and everything was in full force. She couldn't believe it was happening, but it was all going smoothly. I had a playdate that afternoon with another friend R, R's son, my boys, and D's daughter...all at R's house. (following this?)

Anyway, after the playdate, I drove D's daughter back home to her house. It was about 7pm, and the packers had just left. I walked into the house and GASPED FOR AIR.......I physically felt the breath escape me for a moment (really, I did). All around what was once their living room were boxes, and boxes, and more boxes. What wasn't a box were all sorts of different shaped items disguised as boxes, wrapped in padded corregated paper.

I held back tears, and again gasped for air. Wow, I sort of felt like I was hanging out with the Ghost of Christmas future, seeing my future in that sea of brown. (wow, go me...) It really really freaked me out.

And it's all I think about.

I'm getting a major nesting feeling, I'm dazed, I either don't feel like eating or I can't stop (no real in betweens).............If I didn't know for 100% sure that I'm not preggers, I might suspect it. But then I started to think about's not too different from when I was pregnant...this whole aliyah thing.

We decided first on our own that this was what we wanted to do. We talked about it, pros and cons, figured out what it would take and talked about whether or not we had what it would take. Then we agreed, and slowly slowly started to tell... Family first, then only close close friends, then some co-workers, acquaintences, and now anyone who will listen. We've connected with people in the same situation: EXPECTING.

And now I'm in the third trimester. Three more months to go....I'm panicing on a daily basis, I'm in a daze most of the time, my patterns are irratic. I'm thrilled with what is to to come, yet I'm terrified of the reality. I've got a good support network set up, but there are people I'm leaving behind. I will be living in another dimension truly. There will be experiences that I never would have had if I had not been expecting, and there is a whole new language to speak.

I see people whose DUE DATE was earlier than mine, and they're already "bringing home baby" and living the new life.

Wow, that's going to be ME!

I think as I call them and say goodbye. I know I'm meeting them there soon, and I know that we'll have different yet parallel experiences. So I look to them for guidance, and I'm nervous to holding the 'baby', even for that moment.

So I get out my books again, my "All about Baby" type books, I do searches on the internet, and I get the excitment festering again. I remember why I decided to become an EXPECTANT Emah again, and I have a whole new sense of what is yet to come.

And again.................I cannot wait to find out what our actual DUE DATE is!!! :)

wow............that is the LONGEST post for me! In fact, it was like a bec post, all creative and rambling! :) hee hee If you've read this far, thanks!
(You DID get that I am not pregnant, right??? Not that any of you really KNOW me, but just wanted to be sure you all got it. Not preggers now, not planning on another for a while)