Tuesday, January 24, 2006

So THERE! Thbpbpthpt!

Ok, so bec's post got me thinking and reminded me of a few experiences that I've had with mom's in my boys' preschool......

First some little background info..... A week before Ilan was born, we moved about 10 minutes south of where we were living previously. Aviv had been attending a preschool in a synagogue in the old town, and our new house was 3/4 of a mile away from another synagogue, a Conservative (CS=conservative syn.) one which was more our "flavor" of judaism. But, since his world was being turned upside down with a baby in the house, we agreed to keep him there and to just schlepp.

We did that for a year, then last year switched him to CS. I also got a job at CS at the same time teaching Hebrew school, so it worked out nicely. Here's where the other kids and other moms come in. Most of the kids in his class had been in the school since they were babies. There were a few boys who were inseperable, but their moms were responsive when I was friendly. In fact, with school not even in session a month last year, I invited the entire class to our home for Sukkot. We have a fabulous backyard, hubby built a huge sukkah, and we figured it was a good way to help integrate and feel more a part of the class. They were all thrilled!

Since then, we have had more parties, Aviv's birthday, and then sukkot again this year....and we've seen the other parents at all the parties and school events. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "We should have you over..." "you should come one afternoon for the kids to play..." "We loved the party at your house, it was so nice...." etc. etc. etc. It goes on and on.

One or two times we were invited for a brunch or a playdate, but already had plans to go out of town both times and couldn't make it. Needless to say, NEVER have these playdates occured with this certain group of moms. [mind you, many with whom I thought I'd have a connection with them due to the Israeli factor, etc.] Aviv has gone on and made a separate group of friends in the class, rightfully so, cuz the kids of those parents don't give him the time of day, even a year and a half later!

Anyway.............there's a reason for this post............

When we decided to make ALIYAH, I mean REALLY decided....it came around the same time as this sort of epiphany about my relationship or lack thereof with these women, and our relationship with the families as a whole: I realized that I am not like these other women, and I'm ok with that.

I realized that it just didn't matter if they wanted to be my friend, cuz really, I don't think in the end I want to be theirs.

I'm not wierd or bizarre, or 'off' by any means. I'm not the (excuse the expression) nerd in the corner who has no friends. But I am simply just not INTO the same things that these women are into and they must recognize that.

You see, the decision to make aliyah is greater than their diamond talk, boob job talk, makeup talk, and expensive designer clothes talk. My aliyah talk or thoughts essentially, (cuz really I'm not talking to them except once in a blue moon), is mine and it helps define who I am and what's important to me. Obviously it's not important to them, so who gives a hoot?

So essentially, when I started to think like this, then I started to realize that I am so completely content in my own thoughts. When it comes to people with whom I have never really had any sort of relationship, it so doesn't make a difference to me if they're not inviting me to their brunches or coffees or playdates.
I'm not really inviting them to mine anymore either. So there! Tongue Out