Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Penis Envy........???

So YES, I admit it, I think I have penis envy. It's self diagnosed, so I could be wrong, but let me tell you, I don't think I'm alone. I've been thinking about this and it deserves a post of it's own.

WHY? you ask, might I envy a penis? Well no, it's not that I wish I had one, but man, the benefits that seem to come to those who do.............

If I had a penis............ (no, not to be sung to the "Fiddler on the Roof" tune, sorry)
  • I could wake up in the mornings and not worry about whether the kids are up and getting ready for school.
  • I could demand privacy in the bathroom.....and I would get it too!
  • I could leave the dishes in the sink because I would work longer hours.
  • I could sit and chat with the children during breakfast instead of rushing to get their sandwiches made.
  • I could get dressed in peace, on my own, without tip-toeing around the bedroom at the un-g-dly hour of 6:30 am!
  • I could talk with grown-ups through out the day instead of children (even if some of the grown-ups often act worse than children!)
  • I could eat lunch at a different eating establishment every day (ugh, I'd be twice my size then, so wait, let's scratch that one).
  • Someone else would do the grocery shopping cuz I would get home to late to do it.
  • Someone else would (ahem pretend to) clean the house.
  • And someone else would make sure my laundry was clean (well, most of the time).
  • the kids would come running to me every evening thrilled to see me, wanting to play with me for the 15 minutes they have before being sent off to bed.
  • I could come home early if a meeting was cancelled and put my feet up and read a book (oh wait, I did that the other day when I had a free hour, so scratch this one).
  • If i had a penis, dinner would be made for me most nights........even if it sometimes didn't look fit for a mental institution! (hee, don't tell that I admit this!)
  • and if I had the penis, I would eat if I wanted to, and I'd never bother to do the dishes.....cuz I'd be too tired.
So yes, I have penis envy for all of the above reasons. But when I think about it though, there's so much more to it.

Cuz really, if I had a penis,

  • I'd have to travel at least 45 minutes to work instead of 3.
  • I'd have to deal with jerks and idiots who think they're better than me and who think they know it all. (oh wait, I teach 4th graders, I already do this. But he has to deal with my 4th graders all grown up with the attitudes that never changed. yuck)
  • I'd have to make deadlines, interview new people, fire old people, and organize my department in a productive manner.
  • I'd miss karate, judo, and playdates with friends.
  • I'd miss pick up time from school or tzaharon (aftercare), and doing homework in the afternoons.
  • I'd miss afternoon temper tantrums (oh wait, this one should go into the positive list)
  • I'd miss the stories and tales about who did what in school and gan.
  • and I'd have to come home most days, traveling again for almost an hour, to only see my kids for at most a half hour. And I'd be too tired to really enjoy them.
  • I'd spend time with my wife as I fell asleep while we watched tv together.
  • And I'd go to bed just to have to start it all over again tomorrow.
So ask me again, do I have penis envy? I don't think I really do. In fact, I feel sorry for my hubby. I hate that I complain about the dishes and the cleaning that he doesn't help out with. but I get it. There's just not much left of him at the end of the day.

And hopefully, this too shall pass.......